Have I Mentioned My Mother is Insane?

If not, then you're on notice: my mom is insane. The certifiable kind, not the funny sitcom kind. The worst part is when she just blurts out what she's thinking and everyone around her gets pissed off.

I'll save the juicy details for my inevitable appearance on Oprah, but suffice to say she's been screwed up since before I can remember. Not too sure of the circumstances behind it, nor do I care. What does bug me is when people like my wife say things like "but she's your mother" when I say I don't want to deal with her. Spoken like someone who doesn't know what it's like to live with a bipolar drama queen.

For example: after 2 years at the V.A. hospital, where she has systematically alienated everyone who could help her there, they're telling her she needs to find other accomidations. She's moving someplace upstate where she can be next to her 'boyfriend', who will drop her like a hot potato once he realizes the well has run dry because the nursing home will take almost all of her veteran's check.

So she decides to give some of what's accumulated during her convalesence to me (I suppose she's doing the same with him). Not much, condisering what's in there. But I'm cool with it, as I didn't expect it. Then she says "can you bring your wife and son on Easter Sunday to see me?"

Now, my wife is Pinoy. That means Easter is important. That also means we're expected at family gatherings. And this was known well in advance. And the distances make it prohibitive to go to both. And my wife's mom is an invalid too, who wants her equal time. So I tell my mom "sorry, but we have previous engagements."

The next day she leaves me a message on my voicemail that she feels that she should get more attention since she's giving me money. She then says that the money must be the only reason I visit her. She goes along on a similar rant for a bit, then finally hangs up.

My first impulse was to tell her where to go, with the money stuck up someplace. Now I'm simply going to go there Friday and decide what I want to do then. My wife is in agreement. See, she's uncomfortable around my mother (and who can blame her?) so she's not about to pressure me to kowtow to her whims.

The funny thing is that I knew this kind of crap was going to happen when I re-established regular contact with her. But I went ahead anyway, because she had offered to help with paying for Ian's daycare and that was the dealmaker.

Another funny thing is that when she was lying comatose 2 years ago in Manhattan after a serious medical incident, there was no one else available to give consent for certain treatments that the hospital could not do without permission. I gave the consent, and never brought it up to her. But I think I'm going to tomorrow. I'm going to tell her if it weren't for me she'd be dead. And see how she likes being pushed into an emotional corner.

I am this close to ending all contact with her.