43

16 candles make a lovely sight.

43 are a serious fire hazard...

Speaking as the 'me' of today (as opposed to who I was at other times in my life, those who had different attitudes towards the same thing), I can say in all honestly I am content.

That's a big deal for me; forget unbridled happiness - it's not my style. Considering the majority of my life up until 1996 was a mess of bad choices and horrible supporting cast members this is paradise. I don't want for anything: despite my wife's insistance that we're not as well off as we should be we've got plenty. Bills get paid on time (when we remember to), we buy society's little distractions on occasion (new P.C. last month, widescreen LCDHDTV before year's end, Wii for Bubba) and can afford to take trips during the summer.

But the financial doesn't concern me much; when I was living with no direction, I kept everything I wanted in a backpack. Most of the time that was a large bottle of vodka and a small bottle of Diet Pepsi. I've given away / lost / had stolen posessions several times over, and don't miss a single one.

I have a son. If you knew me when, you'd be amazed when I say that too.

From the day he was born I have had nothing but love for him in my heart. My primary concern is his happiness, and unlike me that's actually achievable. He doesn't really need the expensive stuff; he likes the boxes they come in just as much. He's funny, sweet, empathic, strong, silly, clumsy and a danger to himself and others... as a healthy 5 year-old should be. So far, I feel I've done right by him. I hope my track record keeps up.

I have a wife. Some might not be surprised by this, others curious why I remarried after the disaster the first one was. Like most of the heartbroken I took a chance, and luckily I found the one who wants and needs me as much as I need them. We may argue sometimes, but we always make up. We work together well, especially on home improvement projects. We're even going to start experimenting with pie-making this week. We're learning how to be a functional couple, even if it is taking a while.

So today - my 43rd birthday - is a good day. Better than I deserve, probably. Things are going good and look to be getting better over time. Sometimes I'm fearful of success and then I fear I'll do something to screw it up, but as of today I haven't and I'm going to try my best not to.

What I've got is too important to me to do anything less than give it my best.

Happy Birthday to Me...

jdk